Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
