Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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