i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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