Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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