Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
