Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
