You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
