Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
