Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have feelings that need drinking.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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