it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
