Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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