see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
