i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
