saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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