please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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