ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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