so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
