He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
