Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
