Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
