Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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