Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
