Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
