exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
