I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
