I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
