I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
