I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
