the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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