i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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