dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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