I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
