So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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