barbara walters just said penis...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
