your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
