People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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