In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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