ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
