am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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