it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
