I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
wow bdsm is so cute
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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