Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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