btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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