you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
