When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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