I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
