I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
