you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you will always have a special place in my vag
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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