I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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