the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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