I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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