I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
