Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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